TODAY IS NATIONAL VERMONT DAY AND OLD FARMERS DAY.
DICK GREGORY 1932-2017. “Nigger” “From the Back of the Bus”.
THE UNITED STATES is the most dishonest, ungodly, unspiritual nation that ever existed in the history of the planet.
THE FREE MAN IS THE MAN WITH NO FEARS.
LIFE ISN’T A RACE. IT’S A RELAY.
IF you take 12 waters from the coconut– fresh coconuts, the little brown ones with the three eyes, if you take 12 of those within 24 hours, your blood will go back to the way it was when you were born.
WHEN you’ve got something really good, you don’t have to force it on people. They will steal it.
I CHOOSE TO BE AN AGITATOR. And there’s one interesting thing about being an agitator — and I tell people — the next time you put your underwear in the washing machine, take the agitator out, and all you’re going to end up with is some dirty, wet drawers.
THE ONLY PERSON on the planet saying derogatory things about his woman is the black man.
PEOPLE with high blood pressure, diabetes — those are conditions brought about by life style. If you change the life style, those conditions will leave.
LAUGHTER IS THE BEST WAY TO RELEASE TENSIONS AND FEARS.
WHENEVER THE DOLLAR is held supreme and capitalistic interests dominate, a higher value will always be placed upon property rights than upon human rights.
NO KID IN THE WORLD, NO WOMAN IN THE WORLD should ever raise a hand against a no-good daddy. That’s already been taken care of: A man who destroys his own home shall inherit the wind.
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
SOME KIND OF WAY, WE HAVE TO SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
POLITICAL PROMISES are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.
LOVE is very dangerous if you just have love and don’t have the ability to be lovable.
AMERICA will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don’t misuse a household pet.
I WAITED at the counter of a white restaurant for eleven years. When they finally integrated, they didn’t have what I wanted.
JUST being a Negro doesn’t qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.
RACE BAITERS AND DISCRIMINATORS may go underground, but they never move out of town.
IF I had to write down the most important people in the history of this planet, No.1 would be (abolitionist) John Brown. Why? Because he’s a white man who said he would die for the cause, because they could take him, but they weren’t going to take his grandchildren. That brother was beautiful.
WHAT PRICE WOULD GOD demand from the churches for having the audacity to lighten the color of his son’s skin and straighten out his nappy hair.
WHAT HAPPENS to Black Folks today, happens to White folks tomorrow.
WHY are black folks singing Amazing Grace which is a song about a white slaver’s conversion?
IF they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they’d have to bring out the tanks to control you.
THERE’S A GOD FORCE INSIDE YOU THAT GIVES YOU A WILL TO LIVE.
NO BEING SHOULD BE KILLED. NO BEING SHOULD BE UNLOVED.
THE WORLD IS FED BY GREED.
THERE IS A LIMIT on how much information you can keep bottled up.
THE FUNNIEST JOKES you know aren’t from comics but relatives, friends — from your life. That’s the funniest stuff.
IF IT WASN’T FOR ABE LINCOLN, I’D STILL BE ON THE OPEN MARKET.
IF DEMOCRACY IS SUCH A GOOD THING, LET’S HAVE MORE OF IT.
PETS are found to suffer from all the ailments known to the human.
I WOULD HAVE PAINTED THE WHITE HOUSE BLACK.
WHEN you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It’s not enough, but it helps.
WHEN YOU LOOK AT HITLER and those thugs, you can put Walmart right next to them.
EVERYTHING we do we should look at in terms of millions of people who can’t afford it.
I DIDN’T REALIZE when I decided to be a comic, that a black person had never been allowed to stand flat-footed in America and talk to white folks. It never happened before.
MY BELIEF is certain things have to be explained that’s never been explained.
CHILDREN DON’T HEAR WHAT YOU MEAN, THEY HEAR WHAT YOU SAY.
BEING WHITE is a job in America. You take that away, you better get the soldiers out.
THE JELLY-BEAN EATING THUG says that national defense is important. But national defense starts at home.
TO ME, seeing a really good comedian is a bit like watching a musician or a poet.
IT WAS AN UNWRITTEN LAW that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn’t stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.
EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED EXCEPT HOW WE GET FREEDOM.
IT’S COOL TO BE HEALTHY.
AMERICA IS 5 percent of the world’s population and consumes 96 percent of the world’s hard drugs.
ONCE I REALIZED the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.
I FEEL that the same God-force that is the mother and father of the Pope is also the mother and father of the loneliest wino on the planet.
AUDIENCES FEEL NO HATRED FROM ME. BECAUSE I’M NOT BITTER.